A Saturday night a few weeks ago some of my boylesque/drag king classmates performed at our local lesbian night club. It was a Rocky Horror Picture Show themed night and a red and black outfit of corset, fishnets and high heels was obligatory to arrive in… (costume change came later).
I got the occasional glance and look up and down, but no one approached me for a chat or my phone number. My intent was not to be chatted up (I am happy in my relationship and I’m not seeking other partners) but it is a nice feeling when a fellow woman (i.e. fellow lesbian) finds you attractive and you don’t have to indicate that you too are a lady loving woman. It is something I have wanted since coming out ten years ago.
Do I give off a particular vibe? Unavailable? Unapproachable? Straight? Bi-curious? Do other lesbians see me as straight? Do I, though my feminine and glamorous style and long hair, pass as straight? Is this a case of femme/feminine lesbian invisibility?
Do we need to do more for femme visibility?
I think in the lesbian press and online there is definitely representation of femme/feminine looking lesbians but do we need to change our own internal perceptions and the lesbian community’s perceptions around ‘what lesbians look like?’
Is there a certain presumption that lesbian women should be inherently ‘dykey’ or alternative in appearance? Do we need to address our own ways of spotting other lesbians? And……. perhaps our own internal doubts and les-phobia around ‘I don’t look gay’
Food for thought….