29 – single, Lesbian

Emma Ambrose

I’m the happy-go-lucky comic relief with a ginger fetish and a dirty mind. I find the funny in pretty much any situation… except sad puppies THAT’S NOT FUNNY.

And the L word pisses me off, there’s no way that many successful lesbians know each other.

Lives: Liverpool, England

Loves: Books, asking inappropriate questions and making people blush

KIKIFUNCH.COM
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Hello beautiful vagina loving females. I felt it appropriate to write a bit of a personal post for once. SOOO here goes!

I’m a month into my last year of being a carefree breezy twenty-something and I have entered it a single clueless lesbian.

Things like ‘Tinder’,’Her’ and ‘Wapa’ didn’t exist the last time i was single and ready to mingle….
and if they did i was most definitely completely oblivious to it all, too busy going out filling myself with
anything sweet and alcoholic and kissing anybody with a mouth.

I don’t know if it is just me but I’m at a funny kind of place in my life where I’m 29 but not a girl..not yet a woman *thanks Britney ;)*
I want to date and go wild like I’m 21 but i have a job…and extra post relationship flab and bills
and debt like any regular ADULT = one hell of a lot of anxious insecurities!! PANIC.

So where do I begin? I felt Tinder was a good start. Super shallow dating app but lets face it..it’s a harmless way to see people and pass judgement discretely.
Once you sift through all the ‘We’re a couple looking for a toy’ or ‘My boyfriend has been a really good boy, I think he deserves a play thing’
or my personal favourite ‘teeth, hair, own home, shoes’…What?! shit….I only own one shoe. DAMN MY TOOTHLESS HAIRLESS HOMELESS SELF!!
..its pretty fun and passes the time between ‘The voice’ and ‘Taboo’.

Next thing, you get a match!! oh how exciting, someone is equally as shallow as me and likes the gooey flesh and cells that make up my face!! HOW WONDERFUL!

……..silence.

‘Hi! hows it going?’……..

…silence.

I discovered hardly ANY woman wants to speak or even let on that they are there…like little camouflaged peeping sirens. What an anti-climax.

To date 3 people have kindly spoken to me…its a work in progress and I’ll keep y’all updated because i know you find it riveting.

So, while sampling tinder I simultaneously installed ‘Wapa’. I know it sounds like some kind of infectious disease but its a lot like gaydar girls and you can message pretty much anyone who takes your fancy unlike tinder where you both have to swipe right for each others selfies.

WELL…no shortage of messages on this app. HURRAY you say?!…NO. Now I don’t want to get controversial here or offend anyone BUT I’m 29…. I don’t know what I’m going to have in common with Beryl, 61, grandma to 5′ or ‘Ethel, 59, 21 cats’ or you Peter, 47, big cock….h ow you get on here Peter? I commend your efforts son.

Lets just say… I’m flattered but lets just be friends, yer?

SOOOO yer…That’s where I am right now. a 29 year old, single, woman-child, clueless lesbian.

Any advice for me? Get in touch on Facebook, bombard me with your wisdom JUST COME AT ME BRAH.. but most importantly, wish me luck.

Over and out

Emma Ambrose

I’m the happy-go-lucky comic relief with a ginger fetish and a dirty mind. I find the funny in pretty much any situation… except sad puppies THAT’S NOT FUNNY.

And the L word pisses me off, there’s no way that many successful lesbians know each other.

Lives: Liverpool, England

Loves: Books, asking inappropriate questions and making people blush

KIKIFUNCH.COM
VIEW ALL POSTS

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